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Dan Slagle  00:00

You should not go into the argument thinking I am going to win this argument, which is exactly what you did.

Natalie Slagle  00:09

I know I'm like, I can't wait to tell the listeners when we purchase the pop up camper. It's not about winning. I honestly, I don't want it without you wanting it.

Natalie Slagle  00:25

Welcome to Money Dates, the podcast that makes money, conversations with your partner feel a little less taboo. I'm Natalie Slagle, a certified financial planner, and I'm joined by my husband and business partner, Dan Slagle, also a Certified Financial Planner. Say Hi, Dan, hello. In each episode, we'll share honest stories and practical tips to help you and your partner feel more connected and confident on your financial journey. So grab your drink, get comfortable and join us for our money dates. Hi, Dan, hey, Natalie, how are you doing?

Dan Slagle  00:59

I'm great. It's good to see you on a lovely, lovely recording day.

Natalie Slagle  01:04

Lovely recording day. It is, you know what I really enjoyed yesterday that happened to us? What we were walking from, we picked up our daughter from daycare, and then we went out and had some really great nachos. And then we were walking home, and we ran into, I call that person a neighbor, even though they live a couple streets down. And they just, we were admiring this large tree. And then they, they were walking by, and they gave us this really cool fact about this large tree. And I thought this is a neighborly thing that is happening. And I loved it. It made me very happy. Well, the

Dan Slagle  01:41

only reason he knew something about the tree is the tree that we were looking at. It is massive and massive it, it sits in someone's front yard. And this guy, we ran into our neighbor, our new neighbor friend, Alex. We'll call him, I think that's actually his name, Alex. Okay. Alex lives. He so he lives two houses down from where this big tree is right, and he has another large tree in his yard, and that, I think that's how he knew about the age of the trees, because he there were two, like separate species of trees, but they were planted around the same time.

Natalie Slagle  02:19

He said they were sisters. They were sister trees. I'm like, How do you know the the family dynamics of the trees in the neighborhood? This is amazing.

Dan Slagle  02:28

He knew a lot of information. I hope he was telling the truth, because he really captured our attention. I mean, he sound, he was, he seemed like a person who would be knowledgeable, yes,

Natalie Slagle  02:38

but it would make it for an even better story if he made up everything, because he was like, these trees are native to the Himalayas, and our hot summers might cause damage to these trees that aren't really native here, but that's why they're so big and majestic. And I was just eating it up. I loved it. That was a wonderful experience.

Dan Slagle  02:57

Yeah, it's always nice to have just random encounters in your neighborhood, right? It like makes it feel like more of a neighborhood, and you realize, wow, even people in my my community, my neighborhood, that we, like everyone, has their own unique qualities, their specialties. Like Alex the neighbor is the tree guy. Now going forward, he will always be known as the tree guy, the

Natalie Slagle  03:16

tree guy. Who knows what trees are, literally related, brother and sister to each other. So fun. That was a fun experience. So we had that experience on a walk. And like most walks, I feel that some of our best experiences and best conversations happen on a walk, and the conversation that keeps coming up is me wanting to purchase, I'll say a bigger ticket item, and you kind of squashing that idea, just going to say that. And I was thinking, we should talk about this, because we can't be the only couple where one spouse wants to buy the really big thing, whatever that that thing is, and whatever that price means to you. And so how do you navigate that? You know my brain goes. How do you negotiate that? How do you debate it with your spouse? That's how my brain goes. But we want to talk about like, how do we have this conversation? How do other couples have this conversation, and how do we avoid a fight around it?

Dan Slagle  04:18

I am not squashing your idea at this point, I just am not in agreement. Squashing makes it seem like this is never going to happen for for you, for us, and I'm it's not at that point, yet, I haven't been convinced that this purchase is needed in our life right now.

Natalie Slagle  04:34

Well, maybe this episode, you and I can hash it out on the air. Is that what you call it when you're podcasting on the air. I'm going to say that because I've always wanted to say that, so maybe we can hash it out to our kind of appropriate ways of having this conversation and see where we land by the end of it, maybe by the end of it, I got your buy in for the big ticket item. Well,

Dan Slagle  04:57

why don't you share what the big ticket item is? You. Need to give the listener some context into what we're talking about, and then why don't we, at the end of the episode, check in on how each other is feeling about it based on what we share with our audience today.

Natalie Slagle  05:11

Okay, so the big ticket item that I want to buy is a trailer like a what do you call it? Like? Pull behind trailer. I like the pop up campers, where it's this square kind of camper. And I don't even know if they make them anymore, but I just remember always seeing them growing up. My aunt and uncle had one, my neighbor had one, and it pops up and it has a maybe queen or smaller queen bed on each side and a little kitchenette in the middle, and boom, that's all you need. And when I have looked it up, the price could be anywhere from 10 to $20,000 so it's not nothing, maybe not the biggest thing, but it's it's a big ticket item for us, for sure, and I haven't gotten your buy in yet. Dan,

Dan Slagle  05:54

no, why do you need it? Because it's it.

Natalie Slagle  05:57

I can't just go buy something for $20,000 from our joint accounts, because we have every all of our bank accounts, and brokerage account is in joint name, I want you to be just as excited about it as I am, so there's that, and maybe i i appreciate that question, because maybe that's unrealistic for you to be just as excited about it as I am, but I also want to enjoy this with you and our daughter, so

Dan Slagle  06:25

your desire for this camper, this trailer pop up, trailer, stems from our experiences camping and really enjoying being outdoors, right? And that was just when the two of you or the two of us were were it? And over the past year introducing our daughter into our life, we haven't taken her camping yet. I guess sad as that is, we have not been able to. So I think the idea of you wanting the camper comes from creating new memories with our family. Like I feel that's that's where it stems from. That's my perception. Is that true?

Natalie Slagle  07:02

I just love how you're helping me with my argument right now. That makes me love this conversation. Yes, the dynamics of our life has changed all for the better, of course, and therefore, doing something before, so pre kids now doing that, I need more convenience. I need greater accessibility. I like the idea of having something that is kind of already packed and one less thing to pack up. So why do I want it now is? Is because our our life looks different, and I want to cater to that. So there we go. So let's talk a little bit about this conversation is all about when one person has the idea and the other person says, No, can we talk about that? Yeah, and the feelings that come up, because if your answer was yes, I've been needing the pop up camper in my life. I'm so glad you brought this up. Then it would have just been a totally different experience. We probably would already have it by now, of course, but the No, I just sit and fester in your No, and I'm like, How dare he? He's not thinking about what I want, what what's best for the family. I don't even know where his no is coming from, and that makes me a little upset. And I didn't really say it like this when we were having this conversation.

Dan Slagle  08:32

No, this is, this is new to me, exciting.

Natalie Slagle  08:36

So I want to turn the why question back over to you. Dan, like, why is it an O

Dan Slagle  08:40

on the camper? Yeah, that's a really good question. I didn't grow up around a camper like my family. We didn't really go camping, right? And you sharing experiences of how a lot of your different various family members all had campers that it sounded like it was just one big happy party at the local state or the state campground, right? Everyone just pulls up their camper. That's what I'm imagining right now for your family, which is amazing, my family didn't have that, right? So the idea of spending 10 $20,000 on a camper, for me, is a little overwhelming. My mind always goes to I don't even know how to back up a trailer. I know I could learn. I know your dad is like the expert. He is the expert, the expert when it comes to backing in the trailer. So I'm not too worried about that. I also think about storage. Where are we going to house it? We don't have any room here. I don't want to leave it on the street. And also, I really enjoy tent camping. I really do, yeah, so we have, right now, we have a two person tent that just would not work now with our daughter. No, so to me that the like next step in life. And yeah, yes, exactly, yeah. When it comes to the evolution of our life together and introducing our daughter to camping, the next step is to buy a bigger tent, not to skip these steps and go right to the camper. Yeah, when I could buy a new tent for 600 to $1,000 I don't know what new tents cost, but I'm guessing that's what you could expect to pay for a decent quality tent. So those are some things that enter my mind right away that makes it more of a no than a yes.

Natalie Slagle  10:29

Okay, so what I want to point out that has already made this conversation to me feel better than when we were walking is both you and I gave gave each other opportunities to explain your why to your answer. This is why I want it. I don't just want it. This isn't random, and this is why you're saying no, and I think that's it makes the conversation feel better. And so when, when I think about like our clients or other folks that I've talked to about their financial situations and navigating this type of conversation, especially dealing with a lot of money, you have to make it more than just the this is what I want, and this is my no response, like, Why? Why is Why do you want it? And why is your answer no? Right?

Dan Slagle  11:14

You're giving the other person space to share their their thoughts on it, versus asking the question, making it a yes or no, do you want a camper or not? And then if I say no, you just shut down, and there's no conversation, right? So we're trying to get a little deeper, like reflective reasoning behind why each of us feels a certain way. And I think what's most important that gets oftentimes lost is like, how do we make this a collective decision and come to an agreement? And I don't think you and I are personally at this agreement stage yet. Of, do we get a camper or not? And I think you we also need to take into account, like, what are some other like, aspirations, some goals that we want to use with our money, and where does a camper? Where does that put us in line to achieving, like, some of these other things that we want to

Natalie Slagle  12:03

right, right? The other part of of just what I'm experiencing in this conversation as well is we are being recorded right now, so you and I are going to put on our smiles. We're going to be nice to each other, we're not going to fight publicly. That's just not how you and I are, and we've talked about this in previous conversations on how even for you and I Dan, who are really experts in the realm of money, money decisions, I would say in navigating money decisions with your partner, we still get heated with these types of Conversations. There's just inherently so many emotions involved when, especially when there's a disagreement on how to handle the finances. And so one thing that is helping us right now, in this moment, is we're in, I mean, I know we're in our home, but we're kind of in a public space. And so I I'm going to say it again and again and again, when you have these types of conversations. Do it in a fun environment. Go to the coffee shop. Do it where your emotions will be in check, at least by the random strangers around you. I would hope you and your partner don't get too heated in a space like that.

Dan Slagle  13:14

What if it does get heated though, you got to step outside, you got to take a 510, minute break outside, or

Natalie Slagle  13:20

you're inviting the coffee shop to to listen in. And maybe, maybe you need that. Maybe you're trying to buy in, like, Hey, listen to my argument to my spouse and tell them that I'm the right person here, you know, whatever it may be. And I think about all the communication skills and all of that, like active listening. Okay, Dan, I hear that you didn't grow up with a camper, so this idea is just foreign to you, whereas for me, I think this is just what you purchase when you have a family and you like being outdoors. That's where my mind goes, and I can appreciate and hear the worries around this new venture and all of the tasks, like pulling it with the car and where are we going to store that I hear that that is a concern for you. And my second thing I want to say is I don't care. I care. I care, which is why we don't have a trailer yet. And so, because I have actively listened to you, now, I have to convince you on why those things don't matter.

Dan Slagle  14:29

The other reason that I have failed to mention up to this point, being halfway through this episode, is when I was 27 I'll say 27 Okay, not far I had a dream, like a true dream, to own a camper van by the time I was 40. I have had that dream now for eight years of my life. I really wanted the camper I really want the camper van. I. To have adventure on the fly. It's always been like an aspiration of mine, by the time I am 40,

Natalie Slagle  15:07

okay, so we align in that we want the adventure. Please, alignment. Align. Okay? Thank you. Please. Please proceed.

Dan Slagle  15:16

I have wanted this for the past eight years. Not until recently has the idea of buying a trailer or camper come into play? So I do feel a little bit of a this was my dream. You have known it is one of my goals for a long period of time, and now you're interjecting we should actually get this for our family.

Natalie Slagle  15:40

Daniel Slagle, just because you have a financial goal doesn't mean I can't have a financial goal before Dan's financial goal is accomplished,

Dan Slagle  15:47

true, but the but the goals are like, it's one or the other. It's not gonna buy a camper van and a camper. Should we buy a camper van to haul the camper that Would that solve the issue here? Yes. So I think there is a little bit of, hey, I had this idea. Hey, this is something that you have known, that I've wanted for a long period of time, and then recently, you come in and say, Now I want this for our family, and they're competing priorities,

Natalie Slagle  16:17

yes. So what you're pointing out is how, when there's a big purchase item that one spouse wants and the other spouse does not, maybe the financial planning piece comes into play, right? Mapping out, okay, what does income look like? What are debt obligations? What other financial goals do we have? Because to your point, if we get the pop up camper, we probably won't be getting the camper van. Or we get the pop up camper now and then when we can afford it, Dan then we get the camper van. Both could be true.

Dan Slagle  16:54

Both could be true. Both could be true. Absolutely, that's where I stand in terms of where we're at

Natalie Slagle  17:00

with the your trailer in terms of, I sense some feelings of annoyance that I just

Dan Slagle  17:07

is an audience coming through my voice right now.

Natalie Slagle  17:10

Well, you're kind of pointing out I've and you have, you have told me this for a long time. We built it into our financial plan. What does it look like for Dan to get I think it was over $100,000 that we were going to spend on this camper van. And here I am saying, Hey, can I get a little $20,000 pop up camper? And I'm getting to know, but we can put the $100,000 van in there. What? Anyways, again, I think both could be true. What would make this conversation more constructive, and I feel like I keep talking about how you and I need to go to our own financial plan and look at it together, but because we're both financial planners, I think we both go into individually, and we're like, yeah, things look good, but we don't look at it together. So we should do what we do for our clients. We should do for us anyways, mapping things out to actually get numbers, because I can bring up a goal, or you can bring up a goal to buy this big ticket item, and we can say yes or no all day, even if we both said yes to something, that even though we're in alignment with the yes, it might not be in financial alignment With all of our other financial goals. And so this conversation feels so much more constructive if we were looking at our finances together. You know, looking at our we have a software that we use, and we looking at our financial plan and our cash flow projections and our debt projections and the other financial goals that you and I have talked about, and how does either one of these impact the longevity? Because maybe I'm going to use a sprinter van here because it's more expensive, but maybe it's, Hey, we can get the Sprinter van, and that means we're not going to be able to save as much for our daughter's college fund. I don't know. I don't know. So what

Dan Slagle  19:01

you're what you're asking for is really for couples to sit down, have a almost have that unbiased, like third party there, which can a lot of times be the numbers right? Put a piece of paper. That's where the attention goes to. You're having this conversation around aligning purchases with shared values within the Partnership for your household, and thinking about, if we made this decision today, what impact does that have, like, potentially, on one of our future goals, whether that's you know, for us, it's always a lot, a lot of times it's what does this do to retirement age? What does it do to Education? Funding, goals, right? Investment goals, long term, buying a property cabin, whatever it may be, right? So understanding what's the short term impact if you make a decision on the longer term trajectory of your finances,

Natalie Slagle  19:56

exactly, and we've been using just the thing that's. Been top of mind or in conversation with us, but other items for clients have been taking a year off of work. Obviously, that's going to impact finances, deciding to have another child or not, and I hate to say that finances impact that decision, but for a lot of our clients, they do want to know the numbers of that, and there's the list goes on and on and on. It looks different for everybody, but having the dialog in an appropriate manner, in a way that doesn't ignite the heat that can come with these types of financial conversations. But how do we have these conversations in a way that is somewhat pleasant, and then also factual. The numbers kind of help guide us in the decisions. Hey, Natalie, you can get your pop up, camper. I will say yes to that in four years from now, when we've also done these other things, you and I have agreed upon where our financial plan,

Dan Slagle  20:56

yeah, yeah. I think we should talk about, like, some strategies for compromise, and maybe this will help you and I reach a decision together. So we've, you know, I think some strategies that that couples can use, what we call like a delay tactic. So it's, it doesn't mean you're making the purchase today. You're waiting 30 days, however long you decide before making that decision.

Natalie Slagle  21:22

Yeah, buying a car is a good one. You want to buy a car. Wait 30 days. Yeah?

Dan Slagle  21:28

Because a lot of times what tends to set in, if maybe it wasn't the right decision after you buy it, is that buyer's remorse? Yes, right? That is real. That is real. So I think delaying and making sure you've thought it through, you've had the tough conversations, and then making that final decision and knowing that it's a good decision based on what you want, budgeting buckets. Like, do you want to talk about

Natalie Slagle  21:49

that with, kind of having the separate bank accounts? Or, yeah, yeah.

Dan Slagle  21:55

I think maybe just like, setting like, kind of related back to one of our previous episodes around the question of, like, how much can you spend without telling your significant other? Like agreeing on personal more so like agreeing on some discretionary spending, limits on big purchases, right? Because you and I talk about big purchases, and we threw out the example of a camper. Well, there's still couples that have big purchases of mine that might be $500 $1,000 right? So I think going back to setting some of those limits where you want the other person's buy in in order to finalize a decision of a purchase is kind of what I was getting

Natalie Slagle  22:33

to I see, I see, yeah, because we've had, we've had clients go purchase a car on their own and kind of kind of tell the spouse, like, Hey, I'm gonna look for another car. And then it's like, hey, my car's 80 grand. Oh, okay, I'm not saying that's wrong, if that's how the couple has agreed to work with their finances. Every couple's parameters are just different here. So to your point, you know what, Dan, if you went and bought something for $2,000 without telling me ahead of time, I would be shocked and a little disappointed.

Dan Slagle  23:12

I would say my personality, right? It's

Natalie Slagle  23:14

not your personality. It's not our money habits as a household, right? So it would just be out of, I don't want to say out of character, but kind of it just be different. You know, that's our reality. That could be different for

Dan Slagle  23:27

someone else. Yeah, yeah. The other strategies we should just sit on real quick here, save toward it together, right? Creating a separate savings goal, goal and revisiting, like monthly contributions to that savings account. But when you set up that savings goal, make sure you're both on board with it and coming up with a way to reach that that number, whatever you decide on,

Natalie Slagle  23:49

maybe that's what we should do. Natalie's camper savings. Or it could just be called the camper and it it's for both of us. Because maybe, maybe on this topic, I don't do I need the camper now. No, we're, it's the fall. It's about to be rainy, but maybe I need some sort of buy in that we can be working towards it. And right now it just doesn't really feel like it. And so if we had this, Hey, we're throwing a little extra to the savings, and it is specifically for this goal that could make me happy.

Dan Slagle  24:24

It could make you happy, and that's one of my goals in life, right? Is to make you happy. And with that said, the last strategy that I had written down to share is agreeing to disagree. And I don't like this. Sometimes no, sometimes no Natalie just means not.

Natalie Slagle  24:42

Now I don't can we end in a different way?

Dan Slagle  24:48

Yeah, the other one that I wrote down, that that we actually skipped over, is splitting the difference. So scaled down, so instead of buying, like, for example, a $70,000 car, maybe we can scale down and find something like a half. Be medium of 30 to 40,000 I didn't use that example specifically because it really relates to our example of the camper and the trailer, with the camper van being, I think, 70, $80,000 and your camper being 10, 20,000 so that would be the the appropriate scale down. So I actually tried to avoid sharing that one, but you caught me, and I want to be honest with

Natalie Slagle  25:24

you, so now we'll have again. We just got to have the camper budget, and it can be 40,000 so now I can get all the pop up campers.

Dan Slagle  25:32

There we go. We should try to reach out to, like camping world or something, with this podcast

Natalie Slagle  25:38

and be a sponsor.

Dan Slagle  25:39

Yeah, well, I think we should tie it all together like do you want to share some closing thoughts that you have just based off this conversation and and reminders that that our listeners could take into their personal lives with their partner?

Natalie Slagle  25:54

Yes, closing thoughts are Dan is now in agreement that we should get a pop up camper. So thank you, Dan for having this conversation with me. Just kidding. Sounds like we need to iron some things out there. When you have an item, a big ticket item that you want to purchase, that your partner does not, it doesn't have to be a no forever. It could just be a no right now. And maybe we should have another podcast and how to become a good negotiator and debater with your spouse, so that we can all get these things, but no all jokes aside, creating a space to have these conversations where the two of you can maintain your emotions and be very open about what your feelings are, Why you want something, why you don't want something, actively listening. I mean, that's just great practice for setting up your household finances in general. And then you need to go and look at the finances. Don't just have the conversation and be done. Map it out. If the partner does say yes, what does that mean to your financial plan, your cash flow, your debt, everything like that. If the partner says no, but you think it could be a yes in the future, we'll build that out. What does that look like? So creating the correct environment to have the conversation, looking at the data, looking at the numbers, on top of that, is what's going to help facilitate this whole conversation.

Dan Slagle  27:18

Yeah, absolutely. Like the data, the logic, obviously, that's important. If you're trying to make your case for a purchase. What's the impact on on our on the numbers from a household perspective, and then coming at it with some sort of like rational, reflective type reasoning, asking those questions, getting a better understanding of in our example, why is the camper not important to me? Well, I didn't. I didn't grow up with it, right? I wasn't surrounded by by campers. It's just never been a priority. And for me to think it's a priority now is, it just has never crossed my mind, right? So you wouldn't know that Natalie, if I didn't share that, right? You could have probably guessed it, but I needed to share it, right? So it's it's also about you being an active listener and hearing the story and understanding it and putting it together collectively. And the goal at the end of the day isn't to win the argument. It's the goal at the end of the day when it comes to making big purchases, if you're not in alignment. The goal is to stay aligned as a team at the end of the day, right, like the team and who the two of you are and what what your other goals are, right? We need to incorporate all these things together. So you should not go into the argument thinking, I am going to win this argument, which is exactly what you did.

Natalie Slagle  28:42

I know I'm like, I can't wait to tell the listeners when we purchase the pop up camper. It's not about winning. I honestly, I don't want it without you wanting it. To me, it's a family thing. So I, to me, it's not about winning the argument or winning the decision on how we spend our money? It's about, how do we spend our time with our family? That's a really big goal of ours, and I really I don't want it if you don't want it. So you know listeners, tune in next time for my status on convincing Dan why he wants a trailer.

Dan Slagle  29:16

Perfect, perfect. Well, we invite all of you please share with us your big ticket disagreement stories. I would also encourage you and your partner to book a money date this week, whether that's getting out, going to a coffee shop, having fun conversations like this, or if you want to stay at home, just make sure to always tie in some sort of fun activity like a bike ride or a walk afterwards, just to decompress. I think that's always important to do. And if you want to reach out to us or check out some of our resources on our website, we've written a few blogs on these topics. So check us out at www, dot fuse financial, F Y O O Z Financial.com.

Natalie Slagle  30:00

Thanks, Dan.

Dan Slagle  30:06

Thank you. Hey, if you've enjoyed this episode and are looking for personalized financial guidance, schedule a free complimentary consultation using the link in the description below, Natalie and Dan Slagle are the founding partners of Fyooz Financial Planning a registered investment advisor. The information provided in this podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered investment advice or a recommendation to buy or sell any securities. Investing involves risk, including the potential loss of principal. Advisory services are offered to clients or prospective clients, where Fyooz Financial Planning and its representatives are properly licensed or exempt from licensure. For more information, including our disclosures, please visit our website at WWW dot fyooz financial.com.

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